(this was written several weeks ago on a midnight, but I'm just getting a chance to post it :) Kinlee and Kailyn are both with their momma's now and we're soon to get another new one! and the cold- not a single baby didn't get it... as did many of the workers. I'm still getting over it. was nasty...
also, I advise checking out http://philippians4-13-bree.blogspot.com/ for a quick view at some photos and a rundown of the group that came down :) thanks ya'll for everything!!!!! really... such a blessing. The carseats were so appreciated... and bottle liners- desperately needed! thank ya'll!!!
I'm lovin my babies- one day at a time!! C)
It's 4:45 am as I sit here in the Angel House kitchen. Kinlee is snuggled up in my arms, burning up with a fever, laboring to breath as she coughs and coughs. Down the hall, Abigail coughs as if to prove this nasty cold is spreading. And dear Kailyn echos the declaration. I sigh and breath yet another prayer for these precious angels. Since I forgot to bring my CD player tonight, K-Love quietly plays "One Day" by Casting Crowns... my mind wanders....
One day- there'll be no sick babies to cuddle and comfort, there'll be no motherless Japanese babies crying out for help, no African children dying from a disease that they can do nothing about, nor any beautiful Haitian children left along the road to die because they are cursed.
One day, it will be too late to make a difference in the life of an individual. There will be no more starving to feed, naked to clothe, suffering to comfort, or lost to save.
But. One day, we'll be in the presence of God Almighty. And Lord willing, there'll be a legion of little African kids who've finally won the battle against AIDS. and scores of Thai children cuddling up with our Abba Father- and I really hope I get to see some of these precious "Born Free" babies...
BUT. This is TODAY. Not ONE DAY. What are we doing? There is a choice. We can embrace suffering and pain in the nameless faces of the multitudes around us or we can look the other way. Which will it be? "what you've done unto the least of these..."
So, I thank God for this moment that I have to hold one of His precious ones... Yes, I wish she'd lay down and sleep without crying but as I do, I look up to the board and sigh... She goes home to Mommy today.
I hold her a little tighter... The song is over and an advertisement for teen challenge comes on and I breath a prayer for these. Who knows what Kinlee will grow up to be like. All that's left to do now is pray. So, pray I will!
and on a side note- she's going home in a cute, pink carseat! THANK YOU ALL!!!!
Soli Deo Gloria- C
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Spring Fever
It's finally flipflop & sweater weather. They told me when I came that the winters are very mild and well I'd be gone before it was really winter anyway so it didn't matter. Well, I lasted through the winter instead and it was exceptionally cold and exceptionally snowy. I didn't stay in KY to escape the Ohio snowstorms but still! it wouldn't have worked anyway. So, it's finally spring and about time at that!
I got some surprise company this last weekend. I met Milo, Carrie, and Brittany in Lexington on Friday night. (their ploy to keep me from coming home since there was this trip to surprise me on sunday) Bree stayed the weekend with me. On Saturday afternoon I had Gabe and Weldon and Bree took a bunch of photos for me so I'm going to share some of them!
and then everyone showed up to church sunday! absolutely shocked me beyond crazy! well, i was going to write more but my laptop is dying so perhaps tomorrow during Maddox's nap ;)
take care all ya'll!
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney
I got some surprise company this last weekend. I met Milo, Carrie, and Brittany in Lexington on Friday night. (their ploy to keep me from coming home since there was this trip to surprise me on sunday) Bree stayed the weekend with me. On Saturday afternoon I had Gabe and Weldon and Bree took a bunch of photos for me so I'm going to share some of them!
take care all ya'll!
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Popcorn and Pig Stories
Life has been going so fast around here lately! I am really busy with babysitting two days a week and working at the home for four days and getting everything ready for the next week on my day off! But even in the craziness of my life, there's still time to have lots of fun around the house! It seems lately we've had so many late nights... Natalie, Della and I sitting up hashing out new things we could try at the Blessing House or what to do come August or planning a trip for the LongTerm girls when we leave.. The last time I had a midnight Dora was my reserve. She's a sweet girl from Idaho who is just a little younger than I and we have such a great time together! She stayed up till 2:45 am chatting. Then there's photo shoots before another VS girl leaves... our most recent one included all us girls crowding into the toddler bathroom and filling up the bathtub with girls. Last night was yet another good memory made... here comes some photos...
It was sort of a Part B to this night::
Night A was a week or two ago when Carrie was down visiting me... Jessica read to us in spanish and then Sheena finished off the bedtiem story with a wonderful book, "Butterflies in my stomach". In the meantime, we became happy recipients of a StirCrazy popcorn popper. So, for a week we've been planning a Pig story and popcorn night. (Sheena and I both have books about pigs that are absolutely entertaining.)
So, last night... I popped popcorn....
Made coffee... (Yes, this is Sheena watching it perk "weldon style"! :) )
and... we read the girls our pig stories, ate popcorn, drank coffee (we've become social drinkers...), curled up under fleece blankets and held our wonderful stuffed friends... pictured is Charming- her frog (the prince part will be later hopefully) and Wilson- my bear... named after the volleyball friend in that movie ya know! of course Bella and Dassa were held by other girls who aren't pictured... By the way. this is me recommending the pig books- Pigsty and Sidney and Norman a tale of two pigs.
Trying to be Amish.... :)
And this is the most recent group of VS girls (not including the Amish & Mennonite ones...). There's 16 of us around- quite good times!!
this is me needing to rush off.........-------------> I have to work in thirty minutes and got to walk home still! have a wonderful wonderful week.
also, quickly... read Hebrews 11. Focus on :13-:16. People keep questioning me on where I call home. Yes, KY is home. OH is home. CA was home for a while.... but mostly... I'm just searching... for a city.... Heaven. A sister told me, don't be homesick for Ohio... be homesick for Heaven! there's nothing here that is important- it's all going to be there! that was so encouraging! sometimes I struggle with wanting to be in Ohio but then I'm glad I'm here too. Learning to be content WHEREVER! Lord, wherever You call me I will go. Ohio or KY or Africa. I'm facing some pretty huge decisions for once I leave here. If you would pray, I would appreciate it! August seems like a LONG way off but I'm needing to look at that point... Trusting the Lord for His leading!
Happy February :)
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney Renae
So, last night... I popped popcorn....
this is me needing to rush off.........-------------> I have to work in thirty minutes and got to walk home still! have a wonderful wonderful week.
also, quickly... read Hebrews 11. Focus on :13-:16. People keep questioning me on where I call home. Yes, KY is home. OH is home. CA was home for a while.... but mostly... I'm just searching... for a city.... Heaven. A sister told me, don't be homesick for Ohio... be homesick for Heaven! there's nothing here that is important- it's all going to be there! that was so encouraging! sometimes I struggle with wanting to be in Ohio but then I'm glad I'm here too. Learning to be content WHEREVER! Lord, wherever You call me I will go. Ohio or KY or Africa. I'm facing some pretty huge decisions for once I leave here. If you would pray, I would appreciate it! August seems like a LONG way off but I'm needing to look at that point... Trusting the Lord for His leading!
Happy February :)
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney Renae
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Worst Part of Writing
Pretty self-explanatory... The title selection is definitely the worst part of blogging/writing and since I am just starting, I have no idea what I'm going to write about! Life is pretty much back to "normal" now. Exhaustion from Christmas/New Year's at home and then running Rachel to Shipshewana has subsided to a dim roar. I'm left with burning eyes halfway through the day instead of when I wake up! :) My trip home was incredible... God did a lot during that time and I am so thankful for it. It felt like my first time really home since National Conference... It's been a while. I cannot believe it's been so long! Anyhow, I think I got to see pretty much everyone when I was home and did pretty much everything- except sleep. Jessica came home with me for a week or so as well.
Thank you all so much for praying... God has proven Himself faithful... as always!! Sometimes I feel like Abraham... Called to do something crazy (sacrifice his son) and then God steps in and rewards obedience. The babysitting job came through. I am working through a home health agency called Personal Touch and babysitting this little sweet boy! I've been to their house a couple times now to just hang out with him and learn the "routine". There are lots of little things to learn... how to feed him, what to do with his feeding tube, how to get to his school where they do some therapy, and just the in's&out's of what he likes and what doesn't work! This job pretty much solves the vehicle problem which feels like another Abe/Isaac situation... God wanted it surrendered! The time I can spend babysitting provides a nice break from the home and things there.
My dear Emma Jane is doing grandly! She is truly back to "normal". I was feeding her the other day and could hardly get it down her and she'd be spitting the bottle out to grin at me and jabber away! She is such a sweetie. If you make it to the Home and I don't see that you're introduced..... :)
A VS girl left yesterday. It was such a strange feeling. Sarah came 2 weeks after I had been there. It's absolutely strange to know I'm officially a "longtermer"... Sheena and I wrote her a "Book" on motherhood (Mary&Martha House Publishing is still working on the copyright- then it will be released!) and signed it as being from two "more experienced" VSers. That was a strange feeling! Shelia got to the Home when I'd been there 6 weeks... the halfway mark. Now she is preparing to leave!! (Jan 31st.) Time flies. It just reminds me that time is short. Jesus is coming soon. Make every moment count... Would I want Jesus to find me [here] when He returns?? sobering thought...
When I was home, Grandma Boone asked what a "normal" day was like for me. I laughed. It depends on what shift I work.... now, there's lots of things to fill my time with, so every day is different. but...
If I work first shift, it's up by 0445 and ready to leave the M&M by 0555. off work by 2 and usually a nap if I have time. The evening's are filled with time at Shultz's, trips to town, or meals at the cafe. occasionally, I'm just around home!
Second shifts... boy. sometimes I sleep in (1030 :) ) but usually it's by 7 or 8... there's always laundry, cleaning, reading, letterwriting, trips to the library, store, etc! then work at 200p and off at 10p. after work, there's always some socialism time in the M&M which gets pretty crazy sometimes. Good chats, Good times!! curfew is at 11p but... that rarely means bedtime! :)
third shift is grand...10pm-6am... the morning i usually try to get up around 7 so I will be ready for a long nap. Often if I have a third I will choose that day to go to town or something. I head to bed around 5 or 6 and sleep till 930ish. head to work and have a grand night up... (usually still sleepy after the nap :/) off at 6 but usually in bed by 7 or 8... somehow the drowsiness of the night is gone by 6 am! sleep till 1230pm or so and enjoy the rest of the day off!
so that's a short view of my life! and my laptop is dying and I have to run to kroger here in russel springs and head home... jessica and I are making a "Mexican meal" tonight {Complete with flan!!!!} and I have to grab some stuff. so, that's that for now. hope it wasn't too boring! :)
God be with you all!
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney
ps... confession... i was homesick... monday night... but just a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness and LOVE for His children! pray that I will rely on Him during those times.
Thank you all so much for praying... God has proven Himself faithful... as always!! Sometimes I feel like Abraham... Called to do something crazy (sacrifice his son) and then God steps in and rewards obedience. The babysitting job came through. I am working through a home health agency called Personal Touch and babysitting this little sweet boy! I've been to their house a couple times now to just hang out with him and learn the "routine". There are lots of little things to learn... how to feed him, what to do with his feeding tube, how to get to his school where they do some therapy, and just the in's&out's of what he likes and what doesn't work! This job pretty much solves the vehicle problem which feels like another Abe/Isaac situation... God wanted it surrendered! The time I can spend babysitting provides a nice break from the home and things there.
My dear Emma Jane is doing grandly! She is truly back to "normal". I was feeding her the other day and could hardly get it down her and she'd be spitting the bottle out to grin at me and jabber away! She is such a sweetie. If you make it to the Home and I don't see that you're introduced..... :)
A VS girl left yesterday. It was such a strange feeling. Sarah came 2 weeks after I had been there. It's absolutely strange to know I'm officially a "longtermer"... Sheena and I wrote her a "Book" on motherhood (Mary&Martha House Publishing is still working on the copyright- then it will be released!) and signed it as being from two "more experienced" VSers. That was a strange feeling! Shelia got to the Home when I'd been there 6 weeks... the halfway mark. Now she is preparing to leave!! (Jan 31st.) Time flies. It just reminds me that time is short. Jesus is coming soon. Make every moment count... Would I want Jesus to find me [here] when He returns?? sobering thought...
When I was home, Grandma Boone asked what a "normal" day was like for me. I laughed. It depends on what shift I work.... now, there's lots of things to fill my time with, so every day is different. but...
If I work first shift, it's up by 0445 and ready to leave the M&M by 0555. off work by 2 and usually a nap if I have time. The evening's are filled with time at Shultz's, trips to town, or meals at the cafe. occasionally, I'm just around home!
Second shifts... boy. sometimes I sleep in (1030 :) ) but usually it's by 7 or 8... there's always laundry, cleaning, reading, letterwriting, trips to the library, store, etc! then work at 200p and off at 10p. after work, there's always some socialism time in the M&M which gets pretty crazy sometimes. Good chats, Good times!! curfew is at 11p but... that rarely means bedtime! :)
third shift is grand...10pm-6am... the morning i usually try to get up around 7 so I will be ready for a long nap. Often if I have a third I will choose that day to go to town or something. I head to bed around 5 or 6 and sleep till 930ish. head to work and have a grand night up... (usually still sleepy after the nap :/) off at 6 but usually in bed by 7 or 8... somehow the drowsiness of the night is gone by 6 am! sleep till 1230pm or so and enjoy the rest of the day off!
so that's a short view of my life! and my laptop is dying and I have to run to kroger here in russel springs and head home... jessica and I are making a "Mexican meal" tonight {Complete with flan!!!!} and I have to grab some stuff. so, that's that for now. hope it wasn't too boring! :)
God be with you all!
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney
ps... confession... i was homesick... monday night... but just a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness and LOVE for His children! pray that I will rely on Him during those times.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Food for Thought...
You'd never guess I had "resolved" to blog just a little bit more frequently in 2011. But, really, I did. So, until I find a couple hours to update on my life, I thought I'd post this. It's a message my friend sent me a year ago or so. A friend of her's had written it...
So I'm a Christian...big deal. So what? Who Cares? Why try to make a difference? Is it really worth it? Can I put into words what has plagued me for the last while?
What is the point? I mean really, what is it? Is it to eek out an existence? Is it to have a wonderful family and wonderful job? Is it to have a career that is going well so, hopefully, at some point I can retire? Work; is that it? Money; is that it? Family; is that it? What is it? I need a point. Have you ever been pointless? It's not fun. Fun; maybe that's it?
A "few" years ago I gave my life to Jesus, who became my Lord and Savior. As a young person I did not understand very much. Through the years I struggled and failed many, many times. There were times in my life that my relationship with my Lord was non-existent. It sounds awful saying it, but it's true. If you have a penpal and you write back and forth for months maybe years then you sorta quit writing and eventually you stop altogether, what happens? Your relationship goes nowhere, plain and simple. If you wait long enough you have no idea what is going on in your penpal's life. Your relationship becomes non-existent because you chose to quit communicating. That is the same way your/my relationship with God can turn out.
Through the years the Lord was calling me back to Himself. There were things I did that I knew one day I would have to stop, but I didn't want stop at the time. I was doing "ok", my relationship with my Creator was going "well" or at least stabilizing. But God has a way of calling His children to Him. Especially if we tell Him that we want to be drawn closer. We should never tell the Lord we want something if we are not serious because the Lord God doesn't joke around. If you ask the Lord to give you patience...get prepared, He likely will send you many chances for you to exercise the patience you have, thereby allowing it to grow. If you ask Him to increase your faith... If you ask for more trust... Don't ever kid around with God. He loves us enough to give His children what they need and especially if we ask Him for those things.
I must've asked God for more faith and trust because He allowed in my life the hardest problems/trials/testings that I've ever had. What happened? Naturally I struggled, and struggled. I started thinking. What's the reason? What's the point? I thought about my relationship with Jesus. When I was baptized I made some promises, and I don't know about you, but I have a thing for promises and honoring my word. I try my best, not that I've never failed because I'm still human, but I want to make good on them. So I kept thinking... What do I want to do? Should I throw in the towel? Back when, I promised. Were those promises still valid? Of course they were. I told Jesus when He became my personal Savior that He could have my life, but did I really mean it? The trial in my life made me face the music. What was I going to do? I needed to make a decision. I could slide along as a "Christian" making people believe it was all "cool". I had done it at one time, I could do it again. No, my heart longed for more, for a deeper filling. It seemed that I had gotten to the end of my rope and once there I tied a knot and hung on. But God nudged me some more, I could hear Him say, "I need your knot too, you can't keep holding on and expect Me to work." Too long had I had been riding the fence. Too long had I been keeping one foot in the slimy, refuse-filled, stagnant cesspool of the world. I wanted the best of the Christian life and the "best" of the world. I prayed to God and said, "Lord God, I'm done, too long have I tried it my way. From here on out I'm finished. It's not worth it. Lord, I gave You my life a long time ago and I meant it then, but I kept some of it for myself. I didn't want to give it all up. Now God, I'm through with fighting, I want You to have it all. Take it, it's Yours. Do with it what you will. Oh God, whatever Your will is for my life, that's what I desire..." That's what I did. I gave up my will, my life, my future. The things that I held so dear, I let God have them.
Why? What a crazy thing to do some would say. Why, you're a young man in the beginning stages of life, the world is at your fingertips. You can do anything you want. It's right there; go out and taste it, touch it, experience it... And those that say that are right, the world is there offering its gifts, its treats. That is why I gave my life to the One. I have seen the world, I have been out there, not much, but enough. What I've tasted was sweet at first but what was left became bitter. I've touched, and at first everything felt exotic and sensational but in a little time turned hard and burned my hands. I've experienced, ah yes, the experience...how do you describe it? That wonderful feeling, the power of taking your life in your own hands, to go where you will to do anything you like, yes the experience is thrilling but when the thrill is over... When the thrill is over, oh, the emptiness and loneliness. In the end, after you made all the decisions, you can't make the ache inside go away. No, you can't make people care and befriend you. So, yes I've tasted, touched and experienced and to the world's call, all I can say is, No thank-you. "No world, you wrap death in a beautiful package and I don't want a piece of your pie."
Peace. Nowhere in the world will you find true peace. To think that the world offers or gives peace is absurd. Jesus is the only one that can give and will give you real peace. Sure the world tries to offer it but it can't even get started. Worldly peace is an oxymoron. Don't waste your time looking for it anywhere else then with the Author of peace. Satan runs the world and his mission is death and destruction. In Satan's plans there is absolutely no room for peace. He will go to great lengths to deceive you.
So here I am. I guess you could say I rededicated my life to God. Now what? What's the point I'll ask again? Ok, let's see...I need a decent job, preferably one that has good pay and wonderful benefits. I finally want to get that car and pickup I've always wanted. I'll be sure to tithe my 10% so that God knows I'm serious and He can continue to bless me. Then, in time, I want to marry a beautiful woman that loves the Lord. I want to eventually raise a family, maybe even have my own business. That way I can make my own hours so I can be at home more so I can be the good father of my children that I know I can be. I want to attend a church that never has problems, or if they do they are small ones. I want to own my house in the country, hopefully with some land. I need to keep my children away from town so they don't have bad influences. What else??? Oh yes, I've always wanted to learn to fly. Maybe before I get married I'll learn how to do that. I want to attend and support my church. If I need to be song leader then I'll do that. If I need to have a topic once in awhile then I'll do that too. I'll go to every Sunday service and I'll try to attend the Wednesday ones. I'll be there at all the revival meetings and the Bible conferences. I'll stand up and say I have peace with God and man and I desire to take part in communion. I'll voice my concern at the members' meeting about how we should keep our property neat-looking because that is a way to witness to our neighbors. I'll remember to pray for the missionaries and to give maybe a little extra in the offering. I will sing heartily when the words "...it is well my soul..." are led. Everything is good. I just don't want my beautiful life upset. I'll do what I have to, to keep the church operating smoothly and keep my growing family supplied because isn't that, after all, what God desires of His children?
WHAT?! Where's THAT is the Bible? So many times, I believe, we rededicate our lives and then go on our merry way, having the 'peace' that we've rededicated ourselves. When are we going to start fulfilling the promises we've made? God doesn't need anymore "good Mennonites". He has plenty. He needs Mennonites who are serious about what they say. Mennonites who will put their life where their mouth is. You say God is able, but you cover your proverbial rear with every imaginable type of insurance. You say God can do anything yet you are surprised when a miracle happens or you explain it away. God has no need of another bench warmer. America is full of them. God wants people like you and me to stand up and say, " I don't care if it's not popular. I'm going to go ahead and trust Him no matter what."
Now for the disclaimers, I do not believe that owning a car or pickup is wrong. Flying is definitely not wrong. But just because we "always wanted to do something" doesn't give us the right to do it. Getting married and raising a family is a wonderful thing and owning a business can be wonderful as well, but if we get so caught up in our business whether it's raising children or building a shop to work in that we don't have time to serve God and we make excuses saying, not now, then it becomes wrong. Insurance isn't wrong, neither is relying on God. I am not saying Christians in church aren't serious, I am absolutely not saying or implying that. There needs to be Mennonites that do those things that I may have put in a bad light. Next, living in the country is my choice of living areas. What do you do when you can't find a country home? What if town or city living is all you can get/afford or whatever? Do we put so much emphasis on saving our children that we overlook what they do when they are in town? I want to attend a church that has minimal problems. Did you know that Satan only attacks those that threaten him? And when I'm a part of a church I want to do my best to support it, whichever way I can. Concerning missionaries, do we get so caught up in supporting our workers abroad that we overlook the fact that God wants us to serve either abroad or at home? Maybe we sing It is well with my soul because we feel like we are living the Mennonite Dream. We have it together; things are going decently and in order.
So what's my tic? I'll tell you my tic. My tic even has a name. I DO NOT want to be another mediocre Christian who is very serious about living the easygoing Mennonite (i.e. American) life. Why? you ask. Because God called us out of this world for a reason. Because this world is wicked. He never said, "Follow me and I will make you affluent." He said, "Follow me and the way will be HARD." We have a choice: Easy come, easy go: to hell, or Hard life and eternal heavenly reward with the Savior who gave everything for us. I told God He can have my everything, and that's exactly what I purpose to do. IF that means no sweet sports sedan, so be it. IF that means that I never learn how to fly, so be it. IF that means I never marry a beautiful girl, so be it. IF that means not living in the country, so be it. IF that means no annual hunting trips, so be it. IF that means I don't get to snowboard every winter, so be it. These things aren't wrong in themselves but they can become wrong. If we chase after them and make them bigger than God is, then they are wrong. It's not that I won't ever do or own those things, but my priorities have changed. Jesus came to save the lost. He left the perfect example. And THAT my friends IS the point. There is no greater point than to share God's salvation, love and hope to the lost around us. We live in a world where people are hurting and looking for answers. I'm not only talking about heathens either. Christians are looking as well. What will they find when they see you? Will they find hope, or just another complacent Christian willing to sacrifice a little borrowed time for a little selfish gain?
What's the point? What does it mean to you to be a follower of Jesus? Are you willing to give it all, like you said? Half-Christians will never get their littlest toe inside Heaven's pearly gates. Following Jesus on days that "matter" will never ensure you a mansion in glory. It would be better to leave completely than give the pretense of a follower. The nice thing about it is, God knows who you are and you know who you are. I don't need to know. But that doesn't mean I'm not concerned. No, on the contrary I am very concerned. When I look across the "blessed" USA, I see blessed youth fed up with the system. What I mean by that is, either they are tired of the system or the system is feeding them. They have either grown accustomed to the easy lifestyle of Christians and plan to keep going as they are, riding along on the coattails of the Mennonite Dream or they are sickened by what they see and say, "Phooey, there are only hypocrites in the church. I'm leaving." Both responses are wrong. Let me say this, though. I don't believe there are only those two types of youth. No, I believe there are many who want more, and not just youth. They are those that see some of the things going on and think, "Hold it, some things need to change. I know the church does have some hypocrites in it, but I won't be apart of them. Leaving the church and going and doing my own thing is not what I want. I know that the world doesn't have anything to offer compared to Jesus. I'm staying and doing my part. I know there is nothing 'out there' other than death, and Jesus is the only one offering life." That is the group I find myself in. It seems that many times we can be born into a Mennonite family, become a Christian and just float along doing what is required of us. We know how to act, we know what to do, we have the culture and traditions down pat. After all, we've been taught all our short lives what's right and what's left. Isn't that all that's expected? God doesn't require more does He? Are you just a C.Z.C.? (comfort zone Christian) As long as it's in my comfort zone I'm more than happy to help. What happens when God asks you to overstep your comfortable walls? Yes I know the excuse..er..answer: God I'm too young, busy, shy, too..too..too whatever. Do we leave the "hard" work to the older ones? Do I explain to God that I would love to help but I've been planning this trip for a long time, and backing out now wouldn't be good stewardship because I've already put money down on it?
The youth, they are the ones that get hit in church struggles. They are the ones that take the brunt of the force. Many times they are on the sidelines but the shockwave hits them full tilt. They may not stand up and yell "I've been wounded," they may only go quietly out the back door never to return. The youth, like the canaries in the mines, will be the first to run out of "spiritual" oxygen and fall over. But wait, there are two sides. The positive one being this: Youth send a message. When youth are in church and are active and joyful it sends a strong message. The world takes notice. They wonder, "What do they have that makes it worth it?" The answer? Everything. Yes, everything. When we chose to follow Jesus, He said, " I will supply all your needs." What part of "all your needs" don't you understand? And when we live according to what we say we do, wonderful things happen. No, we may never be healthy and wealthy but we can be wise.
So what's it gonna be? Are you ok with where you are? Do you look for more or is what you have enough? When you said, yes to God, you said no to Satan. There is no third road. It's either all for Him or not. Partially serving Him is completely failing. We can't ride the fence and experience the best of both worlds. It does not and cannot work that way. Everyone of us makes a choice. By not choosing the right one we are choosing the wrong one. I like the quote I've heard, "You're going to be a fool for someone, it's up to you to decide who." I don't want to sound like there are no sincere and honest youth out there, I just want to challenge the ones that are and nudge the ones that need waking up. I do not have any answers but I have a Friend who does. So what's the reason? He's the reason. Why am I here? He's the reason I'm here. He planned it before the world began. Why should I do what I want? There is no earthly reason to do what I want.
My friends, we may be young, but we do have it all at our fingertips. We can read it and study it everyday. We can take it in our hearts wherever we go. Give everything to God, you will not be disappointed.
My prayer for us is this, "That we may never grow so content with our 'good' lives that we forget to give our 'good' to God. He is the One that has given us the blessings and He desires our life...ALL OF IT."
The choice is yours, and by waiting it's been made.
Think about it.
It's real.
- Travis Mast
anyhow, thought I'd share it. Really challenged me. It is so easy for me to fall prey to the "good things" of life and forget that Jesus didn't promise blue skies and lemonade but a narrow path... Stay strong my brothers and sisters!
Soli Deo Gloria! Courtney
So I'm a Christian...big deal. So what? Who Cares? Why try to make a difference? Is it really worth it? Can I put into words what has plagued me for the last while?
What is the point? I mean really, what is it? Is it to eek out an existence? Is it to have a wonderful family and wonderful job? Is it to have a career that is going well so, hopefully, at some point I can retire? Work; is that it? Money; is that it? Family; is that it? What is it? I need a point. Have you ever been pointless? It's not fun. Fun; maybe that's it?
A "few" years ago I gave my life to Jesus, who became my Lord and Savior. As a young person I did not understand very much. Through the years I struggled and failed many, many times. There were times in my life that my relationship with my Lord was non-existent. It sounds awful saying it, but it's true. If you have a penpal and you write back and forth for months maybe years then you sorta quit writing and eventually you stop altogether, what happens? Your relationship goes nowhere, plain and simple. If you wait long enough you have no idea what is going on in your penpal's life. Your relationship becomes non-existent because you chose to quit communicating. That is the same way your/my relationship with God can turn out.
Through the years the Lord was calling me back to Himself. There were things I did that I knew one day I would have to stop, but I didn't want stop at the time. I was doing "ok", my relationship with my Creator was going "well" or at least stabilizing. But God has a way of calling His children to Him. Especially if we tell Him that we want to be drawn closer. We should never tell the Lord we want something if we are not serious because the Lord God doesn't joke around. If you ask the Lord to give you patience...get prepared, He likely will send you many chances for you to exercise the patience you have, thereby allowing it to grow. If you ask Him to increase your faith... If you ask for more trust... Don't ever kid around with God. He loves us enough to give His children what they need and especially if we ask Him for those things.
I must've asked God for more faith and trust because He allowed in my life the hardest problems/trials/testings that I've ever had. What happened? Naturally I struggled, and struggled. I started thinking. What's the reason? What's the point? I thought about my relationship with Jesus. When I was baptized I made some promises, and I don't know about you, but I have a thing for promises and honoring my word. I try my best, not that I've never failed because I'm still human, but I want to make good on them. So I kept thinking... What do I want to do? Should I throw in the towel? Back when, I promised. Were those promises still valid? Of course they were. I told Jesus when He became my personal Savior that He could have my life, but did I really mean it? The trial in my life made me face the music. What was I going to do? I needed to make a decision. I could slide along as a "Christian" making people believe it was all "cool". I had done it at one time, I could do it again. No, my heart longed for more, for a deeper filling. It seemed that I had gotten to the end of my rope and once there I tied a knot and hung on. But God nudged me some more, I could hear Him say, "I need your knot too, you can't keep holding on and expect Me to work." Too long had I had been riding the fence. Too long had I been keeping one foot in the slimy, refuse-filled, stagnant cesspool of the world. I wanted the best of the Christian life and the "best" of the world. I prayed to God and said, "Lord God, I'm done, too long have I tried it my way. From here on out I'm finished. It's not worth it. Lord, I gave You my life a long time ago and I meant it then, but I kept some of it for myself. I didn't want to give it all up. Now God, I'm through with fighting, I want You to have it all. Take it, it's Yours. Do with it what you will. Oh God, whatever Your will is for my life, that's what I desire..." That's what I did. I gave up my will, my life, my future. The things that I held so dear, I let God have them.
Why? What a crazy thing to do some would say. Why, you're a young man in the beginning stages of life, the world is at your fingertips. You can do anything you want. It's right there; go out and taste it, touch it, experience it... And those that say that are right, the world is there offering its gifts, its treats. That is why I gave my life to the One. I have seen the world, I have been out there, not much, but enough. What I've tasted was sweet at first but what was left became bitter. I've touched, and at first everything felt exotic and sensational but in a little time turned hard and burned my hands. I've experienced, ah yes, the experience...how do you describe it? That wonderful feeling, the power of taking your life in your own hands, to go where you will to do anything you like, yes the experience is thrilling but when the thrill is over... When the thrill is over, oh, the emptiness and loneliness. In the end, after you made all the decisions, you can't make the ache inside go away. No, you can't make people care and befriend you. So, yes I've tasted, touched and experienced and to the world's call, all I can say is, No thank-you. "No world, you wrap death in a beautiful package and I don't want a piece of your pie."
Peace. Nowhere in the world will you find true peace. To think that the world offers or gives peace is absurd. Jesus is the only one that can give and will give you real peace. Sure the world tries to offer it but it can't even get started. Worldly peace is an oxymoron. Don't waste your time looking for it anywhere else then with the Author of peace. Satan runs the world and his mission is death and destruction. In Satan's plans there is absolutely no room for peace. He will go to great lengths to deceive you.
So here I am. I guess you could say I rededicated my life to God. Now what? What's the point I'll ask again? Ok, let's see...I need a decent job, preferably one that has good pay and wonderful benefits. I finally want to get that car and pickup I've always wanted. I'll be sure to tithe my 10% so that God knows I'm serious and He can continue to bless me. Then, in time, I want to marry a beautiful woman that loves the Lord. I want to eventually raise a family, maybe even have my own business. That way I can make my own hours so I can be at home more so I can be the good father of my children that I know I can be. I want to attend a church that never has problems, or if they do they are small ones. I want to own my house in the country, hopefully with some land. I need to keep my children away from town so they don't have bad influences. What else??? Oh yes, I've always wanted to learn to fly. Maybe before I get married I'll learn how to do that. I want to attend and support my church. If I need to be song leader then I'll do that. If I need to have a topic once in awhile then I'll do that too. I'll go to every Sunday service and I'll try to attend the Wednesday ones. I'll be there at all the revival meetings and the Bible conferences. I'll stand up and say I have peace with God and man and I desire to take part in communion. I'll voice my concern at the members' meeting about how we should keep our property neat-looking because that is a way to witness to our neighbors. I'll remember to pray for the missionaries and to give maybe a little extra in the offering. I will sing heartily when the words "...it is well my soul..." are led. Everything is good. I just don't want my beautiful life upset. I'll do what I have to, to keep the church operating smoothly and keep my growing family supplied because isn't that, after all, what God desires of His children?
WHAT?! Where's THAT is the Bible? So many times, I believe, we rededicate our lives and then go on our merry way, having the 'peace' that we've rededicated ourselves. When are we going to start fulfilling the promises we've made? God doesn't need anymore "good Mennonites". He has plenty. He needs Mennonites who are serious about what they say. Mennonites who will put their life where their mouth is. You say God is able, but you cover your proverbial rear with every imaginable type of insurance. You say God can do anything yet you are surprised when a miracle happens or you explain it away. God has no need of another bench warmer. America is full of them. God wants people like you and me to stand up and say, " I don't care if it's not popular. I'm going to go ahead and trust Him no matter what."
Now for the disclaimers, I do not believe that owning a car or pickup is wrong. Flying is definitely not wrong. But just because we "always wanted to do something" doesn't give us the right to do it. Getting married and raising a family is a wonderful thing and owning a business can be wonderful as well, but if we get so caught up in our business whether it's raising children or building a shop to work in that we don't have time to serve God and we make excuses saying, not now, then it becomes wrong. Insurance isn't wrong, neither is relying on God. I am not saying Christians in church aren't serious, I am absolutely not saying or implying that. There needs to be Mennonites that do those things that I may have put in a bad light. Next, living in the country is my choice of living areas. What do you do when you can't find a country home? What if town or city living is all you can get/afford or whatever? Do we put so much emphasis on saving our children that we overlook what they do when they are in town? I want to attend a church that has minimal problems. Did you know that Satan only attacks those that threaten him? And when I'm a part of a church I want to do my best to support it, whichever way I can. Concerning missionaries, do we get so caught up in supporting our workers abroad that we overlook the fact that God wants us to serve either abroad or at home? Maybe we sing It is well with my soul because we feel like we are living the Mennonite Dream. We have it together; things are going decently and in order.
So what's my tic? I'll tell you my tic. My tic even has a name. I DO NOT want to be another mediocre Christian who is very serious about living the easygoing Mennonite (i.e. American) life. Why? you ask. Because God called us out of this world for a reason. Because this world is wicked. He never said, "Follow me and I will make you affluent." He said, "Follow me and the way will be HARD." We have a choice: Easy come, easy go: to hell, or Hard life and eternal heavenly reward with the Savior who gave everything for us. I told God He can have my everything, and that's exactly what I purpose to do. IF that means no sweet sports sedan, so be it. IF that means that I never learn how to fly, so be it. IF that means I never marry a beautiful girl, so be it. IF that means not living in the country, so be it. IF that means no annual hunting trips, so be it. IF that means I don't get to snowboard every winter, so be it. These things aren't wrong in themselves but they can become wrong. If we chase after them and make them bigger than God is, then they are wrong. It's not that I won't ever do or own those things, but my priorities have changed. Jesus came to save the lost. He left the perfect example. And THAT my friends IS the point. There is no greater point than to share God's salvation, love and hope to the lost around us. We live in a world where people are hurting and looking for answers. I'm not only talking about heathens either. Christians are looking as well. What will they find when they see you? Will they find hope, or just another complacent Christian willing to sacrifice a little borrowed time for a little selfish gain?
What's the point? What does it mean to you to be a follower of Jesus? Are you willing to give it all, like you said? Half-Christians will never get their littlest toe inside Heaven's pearly gates. Following Jesus on days that "matter" will never ensure you a mansion in glory. It would be better to leave completely than give the pretense of a follower. The nice thing about it is, God knows who you are and you know who you are. I don't need to know. But that doesn't mean I'm not concerned. No, on the contrary I am very concerned. When I look across the "blessed" USA, I see blessed youth fed up with the system. What I mean by that is, either they are tired of the system or the system is feeding them. They have either grown accustomed to the easy lifestyle of Christians and plan to keep going as they are, riding along on the coattails of the Mennonite Dream or they are sickened by what they see and say, "Phooey, there are only hypocrites in the church. I'm leaving." Both responses are wrong. Let me say this, though. I don't believe there are only those two types of youth. No, I believe there are many who want more, and not just youth. They are those that see some of the things going on and think, "Hold it, some things need to change. I know the church does have some hypocrites in it, but I won't be apart of them. Leaving the church and going and doing my own thing is not what I want. I know that the world doesn't have anything to offer compared to Jesus. I'm staying and doing my part. I know there is nothing 'out there' other than death, and Jesus is the only one offering life." That is the group I find myself in. It seems that many times we can be born into a Mennonite family, become a Christian and just float along doing what is required of us. We know how to act, we know what to do, we have the culture and traditions down pat. After all, we've been taught all our short lives what's right and what's left. Isn't that all that's expected? God doesn't require more does He? Are you just a C.Z.C.? (comfort zone Christian) As long as it's in my comfort zone I'm more than happy to help. What happens when God asks you to overstep your comfortable walls? Yes I know the excuse..er..answer: God I'm too young, busy, shy, too..too..too whatever. Do we leave the "hard" work to the older ones? Do I explain to God that I would love to help but I've been planning this trip for a long time, and backing out now wouldn't be good stewardship because I've already put money down on it?
The youth, they are the ones that get hit in church struggles. They are the ones that take the brunt of the force. Many times they are on the sidelines but the shockwave hits them full tilt. They may not stand up and yell "I've been wounded," they may only go quietly out the back door never to return. The youth, like the canaries in the mines, will be the first to run out of "spiritual" oxygen and fall over. But wait, there are two sides. The positive one being this: Youth send a message. When youth are in church and are active and joyful it sends a strong message. The world takes notice. They wonder, "What do they have that makes it worth it?" The answer? Everything. Yes, everything. When we chose to follow Jesus, He said, " I will supply all your needs." What part of "all your needs" don't you understand? And when we live according to what we say we do, wonderful things happen. No, we may never be healthy and wealthy but we can be wise.
So what's it gonna be? Are you ok with where you are? Do you look for more or is what you have enough? When you said, yes to God, you said no to Satan. There is no third road. It's either all for Him or not. Partially serving Him is completely failing. We can't ride the fence and experience the best of both worlds. It does not and cannot work that way. Everyone of us makes a choice. By not choosing the right one we are choosing the wrong one. I like the quote I've heard, "You're going to be a fool for someone, it's up to you to decide who." I don't want to sound like there are no sincere and honest youth out there, I just want to challenge the ones that are and nudge the ones that need waking up. I do not have any answers but I have a Friend who does. So what's the reason? He's the reason. Why am I here? He's the reason I'm here. He planned it before the world began. Why should I do what I want? There is no earthly reason to do what I want.
My friends, we may be young, but we do have it all at our fingertips. We can read it and study it everyday. We can take it in our hearts wherever we go. Give everything to God, you will not be disappointed.
My prayer for us is this, "That we may never grow so content with our 'good' lives that we forget to give our 'good' to God. He is the One that has given us the blessings and He desires our life...ALL OF IT."
The choice is yours, and by waiting it's been made.
Think about it.
It's real.
- Travis Mast
anyhow, thought I'd share it. Really challenged me. It is so easy for me to fall prey to the "good things" of life and forget that Jesus didn't promise blue skies and lemonade but a narrow path... Stay strong my brothers and sisters!
Soli Deo Gloria! Courtney
Friday, December 10, 2010
Letting Go- Letting God
The more my life goes on, the more I realize how much I can have absolutely no control over it. I can say that there is a Hand on it, guiding it with wisdom far beyond my own. Honestly, I don't understand the way of the Lord. Why would He choose my life to use in this way? I cannot count the times I've started into prayer and then just stopped and said, "God why me? Why is it me? Why is it that you didn't choose one of my other friends... They're more Godly than I. Many of them would be more willing than I! They have more resources. More wisdom. Why did you choose me to not be content with the ordinary? Why didn't You choose me to just go on a short term trip, be changed, and come home?" Now, don't take me wrong. I am content with where God has placed me. I truly am. But I'm just confessing I don't understand the way the Lord works. (Isaiah 55:8!!)
I'm staying.
there it is. I was sure it wouldn't happen. There were several huge reasons I couldn't stay in KY more than three months. the biggest one was finances. Well in the course of time, God has really spoken to me in this area and called to what feels like extreme faith. Where I thought I was trapped with no way out, He has made ways. He has provided for me beyond my wildest expectation. He really is in control.... So, my car is for sale. white grand prix se, 82,000 miles, $6500. There is a girl here at the home interested now but if she decides not to buy it, it's open to any. I'll update when she decides.Also if you know of a reliable, decent car for "cheap"... I'm all ears!
anyhow, that was a rabbit trail. From the very beginning of my stay here I entertained the idea of staying longer and as I said, decided it couldn't happen. But not only did I learn that God is in control, I've learned I cannot limit Him. His work in me here isn't going to be finished in three months. I've committed until August next year. At that point, resuming school is an option or wherever else God leads me. Perhaps He will call me to remain here.
I guess the greatest way God surprised me here is this... a while back I think I wrote about God working in my life in sets of three months.... strangely enough- this will be 11! :) Perhaps this starts a new phase! :) who knows!
Some specific prayer points....
**I have this incredible opportunity to babysit for a little boy with special needs several days a week along with working here at the Home. It would put some stress on me but be an awesome experience and something I've wanted to do since I got home from Camp Harmon this summer. I will be meeting with the mom next week sometime before I come home. Pray that if it is God's will that I will really bond with the boy and everything will go smoothly. I will have to be employed through the state so that could get frustrating but I believe if it is God's will, He will smooth the way! I am really excited about this opportunity and it will help financially a lot!
**Health... I got sick last night. I'm not convinced it was 16 hr flu... had some food that was expired and started not feeling well not long after i ate it... had to leave work and all. The 24 hr bug and Strep Throat are going around and we can't afford for us girls to all be getting sick! I would hate to bring this stuff home with me too...
**Safety as I travel back and forth around Christmas. Jessica is coming to stay with my family for a couple days and I will be bringing her back to Lexington at some point. I don't mind the drive but each time I get more impatient to get home or back....
**That I would continue to be surrendered to God's will. I feel like I have a lot of very big decisions to make right now and, quite honestly, I'm tired of making them. Strength for Today, dear Lord.
One week and I'm coming home! excited for that time I'm going to have... Lots of stuff to do already scheduled- should be a FULL Christmas season and I'm so excited to see everyone again!! it's been ages.... well I have to go... this computer session started out as an "update resume session" and turned into a "I have to write and get this stuff out session"... hope it wasn't too boring. Mom has the camera at home so I have no exciting photos to post.
Soli deo Gloria! Courtney
PS. it's for another time, but God worked the most awesome miracle and made it possible for me to go to NYC last weekend. He worked incredibly while we were there- Praise Him!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to whoever made it possible for me to go....I don't even know how to express my gratitude.... thank you Lord!!
I'm staying.
there it is. I was sure it wouldn't happen. There were several huge reasons I couldn't stay in KY more than three months. the biggest one was finances. Well in the course of time, God has really spoken to me in this area and called to what feels like extreme faith. Where I thought I was trapped with no way out, He has made ways. He has provided for me beyond my wildest expectation. He really is in control.... So, my car is for sale. white grand prix se, 82,000 miles, $6500. There is a girl here at the home interested now but if she decides not to buy it, it's open to any. I'll update when she decides.Also if you know of a reliable, decent car for "cheap"... I'm all ears!
anyhow, that was a rabbit trail. From the very beginning of my stay here I entertained the idea of staying longer and as I said, decided it couldn't happen. But not only did I learn that God is in control, I've learned I cannot limit Him. His work in me here isn't going to be finished in three months. I've committed until August next year. At that point, resuming school is an option or wherever else God leads me. Perhaps He will call me to remain here.
I guess the greatest way God surprised me here is this... a while back I think I wrote about God working in my life in sets of three months.... strangely enough- this will be 11! :) Perhaps this starts a new phase! :) who knows!
Some specific prayer points....
**I have this incredible opportunity to babysit for a little boy with special needs several days a week along with working here at the Home. It would put some stress on me but be an awesome experience and something I've wanted to do since I got home from Camp Harmon this summer. I will be meeting with the mom next week sometime before I come home. Pray that if it is God's will that I will really bond with the boy and everything will go smoothly. I will have to be employed through the state so that could get frustrating but I believe if it is God's will, He will smooth the way! I am really excited about this opportunity and it will help financially a lot!
**Health... I got sick last night. I'm not convinced it was 16 hr flu... had some food that was expired and started not feeling well not long after i ate it... had to leave work and all. The 24 hr bug and Strep Throat are going around and we can't afford for us girls to all be getting sick! I would hate to bring this stuff home with me too...
**Safety as I travel back and forth around Christmas. Jessica is coming to stay with my family for a couple days and I will be bringing her back to Lexington at some point. I don't mind the drive but each time I get more impatient to get home or back....
**That I would continue to be surrendered to God's will. I feel like I have a lot of very big decisions to make right now and, quite honestly, I'm tired of making them. Strength for Today, dear Lord.
One week and I'm coming home! excited for that time I'm going to have... Lots of stuff to do already scheduled- should be a FULL Christmas season and I'm so excited to see everyone again!! it's been ages.... well I have to go... this computer session started out as an "update resume session" and turned into a "I have to write and get this stuff out session"... hope it wasn't too boring. Mom has the camera at home so I have no exciting photos to post.
Soli deo Gloria! Courtney
PS. it's for another time, but God worked the most awesome miracle and made it possible for me to go to NYC last weekend. He worked incredibly while we were there- Praise Him!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to whoever made it possible for me to go....I don't even know how to express my gratitude.... thank you Lord!!
Friday, November 12, 2010
This place we call ~HOME~ These people we call *FAMILY*
(Not to mention our dear "mother" Dawn! <3)
a really cool therapy dog they brought in to play with the kids. they loved it!
Gabe and Weldon got a ride in the car with Natalie! (:
George <3
I introduced Jayden to earbuds... It was so funny; he just sat so still and listened! The sitting still part was the miracle...
My dear Emma Jane... she is such an absolute sweetie. I was working my second shift at the Blessing House when George came running in yelling something at me about Hope being on the phone. Well I couldn't figure out what in the world was going on; I didn't think I'd done anything wrong and I hadn't asked any time off. So what would she want?? well, a baby was sick and so I was delegated to take her to the ER. 7 days later, we were quite attached to each other! apart from the fact that I got terribly stir crazy and about went crazy the last 48 hours (I didn't move more than 10 yds in the last 2 days), it was fun and relaxing. Plus, I got to watch 2 spinal taps, a million blood tests, and several IVs. Really makes me want to be a nurse again! She was such a trouper!
Then, on my way back home this morning from being in Ohio since she'd got out of the hospital, they called and said she was back in! So, I'm back in the hospital for another week with her. I think we will be out next Thursday. Nothing bad, just her PICC line got plugged and it's easier for us to just have her here than have to be doing IV stuff at the home all the time. So, here we are again. Chilling in the room. having a grand ole' time... She's become like my own child; as I was walking out of the hospital the first time carrying her, people kept stopping me to "congratulate" me and ask her name.... it was so awkwardly funny! (:
:) and they told me she's too young to smile (:
she has the absolute cutest grin you will ever see. I couldn't catch it when she was grinning so huge but this is what she let me capture! Such a beautiful baby! I'm so glad I get to be here with her!
that's about all my news for now... until next time...
Soli deo gloria! Courtney Renae
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