Hold Me Accountable

Recently, I've been digging back through old papers I wrote. Just found this that I wrote a few days after YBS 2009... Oh, that a cry would go forth for accountability and discipleship.


Elijah, in the wilderness, came down off the mountain from praying and heard about Jezebel's threat to kill him before the next day.  Terrified, he fled into the wilderness and prayed, even that his life would be taken from him.  We know how the angel came and ministered to him, and then God spoke to him in the still small voice, encouraging Elijah with the knowledge of 7,000 other faithful ones who had not bowed down to the idols. 1 Kings 18:41-19:18  With thoughts of that, knowing how I have felt since Bible School, hearing other's confession of God's work in their life and knowing my own testimony, and feeling that I will need some strong support for my journey ahead, this phrase has been pulsing through my head with every minute.  HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE! This is what the Spirit has been challenging me with...  

Lift me up when I'm Elijah

Alone, down off the mountain top,

In the wilderness, attacked, and wishing to die.

Hold me accountable when

You know I've committed things to God

That I cannot accomplish alone.

Hold me accountable when

You see me in compromising situations.

Hold me accountable!

Hold me accountable when

Pride holds me back from confession.

And when Self gets in the way of God

Hold me accountable!

Hold me accountable when

I want to bring up my scars and pain from the past

Forgetting Someone died for them.

Hold me accountable when

My joy fades and

Peace is darkened by worry.

Hold me accountable when

We're the only 7,000 walking the narrow way

Out of blinded millions [luke]warmed by Satan's lies.

Hold me accountable when

My strength fails me and I'm tempted

To fall back into my old ways.

Hold me accountable!

Hold me accountable when

I don't want the world to hate me but

Accept me for "who I am and what I believe".

Hold me accountable when

I want to sell out cheap to this world

Because I like his things,

His music, his clothes, his places.

Hold me accountable when

The days are long and filled with idleness

Or short with no time found for Jesus.

Hold me accountable when

I'm up late on the computer with lots of work

At the bookstore tempted by worldly novels

Or alone in my bedroom, wrestling the devil.

Hold me accountable when

I'm driving for hours in the car

Needing something to keep me alert.

Hold me accountable when

I take the second glance, or

Think the same thought twice.

Hold me accountable when

I form relationships with people-

Will they build me up or pluck me down?

Hold me accountable when

I'm out shopping, wooed by the world

Or when I spend my money on pleasure-seeking things.

When I'm tempted to go places

That were part of the Old Life

It's then, please! Hold me accountable!

Hold me accountable when

Satan lies to me

The world hates me

My friends mock me

And family despises me.

Still, hold me accountable!

Hold me accountable-

Tell me! Oh tell me...

Will you do it?

When you know it will hurt my flesh or

Make us stand out alone in our convictions

Will you hold me accountable?

Will you be the angel, ministering-

The still small voice, encouraging-

One of the 7,000, holding me up?

Please. Hold me accountable.

Will you take a stand so others can

Hold you accountable?

Tell me... will you?

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16     God bless you! <><

Soli Deo Gloria! Courtney

2012. New Year... Something about that just feels good.  I've always loved New Year's.  Starting fresh, making resolutions, excitement over what God may bring into this coming year.  You can debate the "biblicalness" of resolutions all you want, but sometimes I just need a new start to say "I am going to do [this] with HIS help this year." Love it.
I got to thinking back over 2011.  More of the year was spent out of the state and country than in Ohio.  8 months in Ky, 2 weeks each in Haiti and MI, and a few weekend trips to IN in there. To begin to even share what God has done in my life through each experience would take forever.  I feel tremendously blessed by Father.  He truly is good in all that He does.
2012....
the last half of my first year (perhaps only? :/) teaching school.
the first part of nursing school (LORD willing).
Endless opportunities to witness Him.... God has really been working in my heart and giving me MANY opportunities at school to share my faith and proclaim His gospel. Pray I would be faithful to His calling!!

Bury My Heart on the Mission Field May that be our heart's cry this year! Serve Him.

Soli deo gloria. Miss Court

What IF?

What if there was no chains holding us back?
What if when God called us somewhere, we went?
What if when God commanded us to do something, we did it with fervency of spirit?
What if when we seen a brother or sister fall, we held them up?
What if when we heard something, we prayed instead of gossipped?
What if we had no fear, but perfect love?
What if we were not ashamed?
What if every evil emotion were replaced with love?
What if the Church did less "sitting in church" and stormed hell's gates instead?
What if the Church fulfilled its calling?
What if discipleship were a reality in our lives?
What if we were all actively filled with the Spirit?
What if we all put the gifts of the Spirit to work instead of sitting dormant?
What if we weren't afraid of radical lifestyles?
What if it didn't matter what the Christians around me thought but only the LORD?
What if I was completely, wholly, and entirely abandoned from the world to Jesus?
What if I had no fear of man?
What if I was dead to flesh?
What if I gave up trying to please everyone but rather did all to glorify my Redeemer?
What if I spent less time worry about tomorrow and more time preparing others for eternity?
What if I actually followed the teachings of Christ Jesus?
What if I were freed from the bondage of religious rules and filled with the Word of God?
What if I would give all I have to follow Jesus?
What if I truly obeyed the Great Commission?
What if I loved my enemy as myself?
What if all of my finances were used completely for the Kingdom instead of just a percentage?
What if I spent less time crying about life's disappointments and more time crying for the souls of others?
What if I quit compromising in areas of my life and turned them all over to the LORD?
What if I started worshipping with my whole heart and didn't hold back because of those around me?

What if I died tomorrow?




For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ for it is the power of God unto SALVATION to everyone who believes....

From the Lord's Hand- Double

The other day as I sipped a pumpkin chai, I had a life review... many different emotions welled up from different experiences and I felt somewhat overwhelmed.  "Lord, what are you trying to teach me right now, right here?" I asked.  Compelled, I pulled out my bible. As it opened, I glanced down to Isaiah 40.  "O, I know that," I thought... Comfort ye, comfort ye my people says...... yeah. "well that is comforting" I thought. So I sat and just read it. Think on this.

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
              Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
                   and cry to her
                that her warfare is ended,
                    that her iniquity is pardoned,
                That she has received from the LORD's hand double for all her sins.

A voice cries:
In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD;
   Make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be lifted up,
   and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
   and the rough places a plain.
And the glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
   and all flesh shall see it together,
   For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.
 (Is.40:1-5)

wow. Then end of verse three was what really struck me. I have always read that passage and seen it as God punishing them. I'm not really sure now how I seen it that way but, I did. It really just hit me though. I have received from the Lord's hand, double.  There was enough blood at Calvary... all it takes was a drop to cleanse me. But there was twice enough for me.  And  I sin and sin. And still there's enough.  And then enough for you. No, twice as much as necessary.  What a gracious, good God He is! Oh His love for us...

But then that's not the end... "[YOU] prepare the way of the LORD, [YOU] make straight in the desert a highway for our God." and then... "the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and ALL flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken." is this what you're living for?

No Condemnation

John 8:2-11.

“Shame on you, Whore!”
She was married, but not to the man in whose arms she had been laying. Suddenly the door had burst open. Oh no! Instantly she was in the grasp of angry men who dragged her — and her forbidden secret — out into the street.
“Adulteress!” The name pierced her like an arrow. Scandalized, loathing looks bored into her. Her life was undone in a moment, by her own doing.
And it was about to be crushed. They were talking about stoning! O my God, they’re going to stone me! God, please have mercy!
But God’s verdict on her case clear:
If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel (Deuteronomy 22:22).

“Both shall die!” She was going to die! But where was he? Why hadn’t they grabbed him?
No time to think. She was being half pushed, half pulled through Jerusalem. She was despised and rejected; as one from whom men hide their faces.

The temple? Why are we entering the temple? Suddenly she was thrust in front of a young man. A man behind her bawled, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery.” O God! O God! she begged silently. “Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?”
The Teacher said nothing. He looked at her, then at her accusers. Then he bent down. She stood in frozen exposure. Why was he writing in the dirt? Men on either side of her were clenching brutal stones. Impatient prosecutors demanded a ruling.

The Teacher stood back up. She held her breath, eyes on her feet. “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her,” he said.
The crowd of judgment hushed to whispers. Confused, she risked a quick glance at him. He was writing in the dirt again. She heard murmurs and disgusted grunts around her. Then shuffling. A stone dropped with a dull thud beside her. Its former holder whispered, “Slut!” as he passed behind her. But they were leaving! No one grabbed her.

It took some courage to look around. Her accusers were gone. She looked back at the Teacher. He was standing, looking at her. She dropped her eyes again.

“Woman,” he said, “where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go and from now on sin no more.”
________
Forget for the moment the self-righteousness of the accusers and the apparent injustice of the adulterous man’s absence. Did you really hear what Jesus said? This woman’s guilt was real. She committed the crime of adultery. God, through Moses, commanded her death.
But God the Son simply said, “Neither do I condemn you.” Now, if God violates his own commandment and lets the guilty go unpunished then God is unjust. So how could he possibly say that to her?
Here’s where the news gets really good. God fully intended for this sin of adultery to be punished to the full extent of his law. But she would not bear her punishment. She would go free. This young teacher would be punished in her place. Might he have written theses words from Isaiah in the dirt?
But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all” (Isaiah 53:5-6).
Every one of us, in a sense, is that woman. Our horrible sins — our shameful lusts, destructive tongues, murderous hatred, corrupting greed, covetous pride — stand exposed before God as starkly as in that temple courtyard. Our condemnation is deserved.
And yet, Christian, Jesus speaks these stunning words to you: “Neither do I condemn you.” Why? Because he has been condemned in your place. ALL your guilt has been removed. No stone of God’s righteous wrath will crush you because Jesus was crushed for your iniquities.
Jesus was the only one in the crowd that day who could, in perfect righteousness, require the woman’s death. And he was the only one who could, in perfect righteousness, pardon her. Mercy triumphed over judgment for her at great cost to Jesus. And the same is true for us.


“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

this was taken from here.  As I read it, I had to think of my own life and how so many times I've been condemned by the Law.  So many times, I've deserved the death penalty.  I've deserved to be drug through the streets, insults hurled at me, treated as the criminal I am.  The thing is, we all have.  It doesn't take adultery to get you there.  Ever stole just one thing? Achan thought he'd get away with it... Just some nice clothing and a bit of money from the enemies. Death.  And that was his just reward.  Or told one lie? We could discuss Ananias and Sapphira.  They received nothing less than death. 
But Jesus speaks "neither do I condemn thee... Go and sin no more". ah... just want to encourage you today- don't forget where He has freed you from. Thank Him for it.  We have been embraced and pulled from the pit of hell, to sit in heavenly places with Christ Jesus! Rejoice in that Today.
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney

Late Night Musings

There was a song that, a few years ago, meant a lot to me... "3 in the morning, and I'm still awake, so I picked up a pen and a page..."  Back then, I struggled with laying awake for hours, almost nightly.  Well, it's not 3 a.m. now; it's just 4 a.m., but I still can't sleep!

It's been over a year now that I've lived away from home, church, friends, and most of my other comfort zones.  In retrospect, it's been crazy.  That's the only word I can find to describe it.  I've had victory, defeat, victory again... I cannot think of a single area of my life that hasn't been changed.  God has been so faithful through it all.  Growing pains aren't always fun (that's why they're "pains" eh?) but, the obvious obviousness of them is that in the end, you've grown.  (the fact that I'm writing at 0400 is becoming quite obvious the longer I type. maybe I should attempt sleep before proceeding!)  But despite my "stretching" experiences, *no pun intended*, I'm so thankful for it all! 

Moving back to Ohio is looking more and more difficult, but I feel that it's God's will, so that's what's going to happen! I can't wait to be around likeminded friends and family again and have the opportunity to attend church often.  I cannot imagine leaving the Home though.  I've become so attached to it- the volunteers, kids, Shultz's, everyone and everything.  Living somewhere like that for almost a year, it's impossible for it to not become your life!

I'm headed to camp in less than 36 hours... I packed this morning to come home and then headed to work.  This evening after I got off, the girls helped me load up my stuff and get ready to pull out.  Goodbye's were so hard.  There were tears, laughter, and a few more memories to be made before I pulled out... You'd have never believed I was only leaving for 2 weeks!  But, it's the beginning of many hard goodbyes (several volunteers will be gone by the time I get back and a few leaving very shortly after).  I'm thankful for the opportunity to be able to serve here and get to know the girls.  Goodbye's aren't easy, but I wouldn't wish it differently.  Hard goodbye's- real friends! God has taught me so much through the girls I work with! I'm going to miss the "sisterhood" of the volunteer house.

So, I really don't know what the point of any of that was because I can't think straight...

enjoy a view into my mind at 0430- it's a rare opportunity! :)

Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney

A pocketful of dandelions

It was a hot Sunday evening and we were busy in the Blessing House. Rosie and Butchie were out in the yard playing; George, Levi and Josh had went to Tony’s house for a barbeque; and the rest of the kids were running around the house making quite the racket. I didn’t blame them, really. It was the first nice Sunday afternoon and Dad would be calling anytime to let us know the ice cream freezer was unlocked!


But I stood there… my head was pounding from the noise. I needed to pass meds but there was no one around to witness it. I needed to do diaper checks but just wasn’t up to dealing with THAT. Not to mention the 5 dryers of laundry that needed to be folded, or the four mouths that needed teeth brushed… Renee had been following me closely. Action one… send her out. Ok. Now maybe I could think straight. Nope. The boys are back now and Tony has some food for us that I need to put away. Ok. Oh, now Levi is in his room with Jeff and Sheri Easter playing so loud that I can hear it all over the house. He gets such joy from sitting on a bucket upside down with a tablet on his bed, beating it with a ruler in one hand and a pen in the other. He’s a pro-drummer! Action two… send him outside. Now, change diapers. Done. And meds? Here comes Martha, she’ll help me out! Oh, but now, George needs some help with his new lock for his bike. Fixed. Rosie needs a shower. Hmm… ok, meds first. So I got them finished. Now I really needed a breath of fresh air. So I went out to get her. She took one look at me and said, “Rosie wants to play. Don’t make her go in tonight. She wants to stay out here. Rosie don’t want to go to bed. Good bye.” I tried talking her into coming in with me but gave it up… I’d go fold the laundry. Accomplished… and then: “I scream; you scream; we all scream for ice cream! Come and get it!!” Dad called across the intercom. Chaos.

About that headache….

I was finally was getting things accomplished! And look! Here came Rosie in the door- on her own accord! Now to get her off to the shower… Oh, but first get Grace to change the laundry. Now, Rosie. Oh what is she telling me? She’s got something for me… “Give me your hand,” she commands. And there. She’s picked me the prettiest dandelions the Galilean property could grow. It was so sweet! So, I filled my pockets with them.

Reality check. Perspective change.

It won’t matter if I have to fold laundry until 9:59pm tonight. It won’t matter if Levi plays his music so loud I have a headache. It won’t matter if Rosie plays outside extra-long tonight. It doesn’t matter! I'll enjoy my pocketful of flowers and hum along to the Easter's as George tells me about the next day and what he plans to do.

Thank you, Rosie! My pocket full of dandelions was more precious than any dozen roses I could ever receive. Tonight, Rosebud, you reminded me to forget the details… just enjoy the moment, the little things. I love you HersheyKiss!

Rosie Tucker.... When she was 2, Rosie chewed the paint chips off her crib. Thus, getting lead poisoning. She has the mental capacity of a 5 year old. She loves playing with little toys and if you ask her where she got them she'll say she took them from the baby!  If something's "wrong", Rosie will pray it better.  If there's no song, she'll sing it :)  Come to the and she will be sure to great you will a huge smile and tackling hug!

here ya go daddy :) another post.... hehe....
and on a side note... today marks 7 months I've been at the Home... lots to ponder... perhaps I'll get a chance to write later :)
 
blessings!
Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney