Letting Go- Letting God

The more my life goes on, the more I realize how much I can have absolutely no control over it.  I can say that there is a Hand on it, guiding it with wisdom far beyond my own.  Honestly, I don't understand the way of the Lord.  Why would He choose my life to use in this way? I cannot count the times I've started into prayer and then just stopped and said, "God why me? Why is it me? Why is it that you didn't choose one of  my other friends... They're more Godly than I.  Many of them would be more willing than I! They have more resources.  More wisdom.  Why did you choose me to not be content with the ordinary?  Why didn't You choose me to just go on a short term trip, be changed, and come home?" Now, don't take me wrong.  I am content with where God has placed me.  I truly am.  But I'm just confessing I don't understand the way the Lord works.  (Isaiah 55:8!!) 

                            I'm staying.

there it is.  I was sure it wouldn't happen.  There were several huge reasons I couldn't stay in KY more than three months.  the biggest one was finances.  Well in the course of time, God has really spoken to me in this area and called to what feels like extreme faith.  Where I thought I was trapped with no way out, He has made ways.  He has provided for me beyond my wildest expectation.  He really is in control.... So, my car is for sale.  white grand prix se, 82,000 miles, $6500.  There is a girl here at the home interested now but if she decides not to buy it, it's open to any.  I'll update when she decides.Also if you know of a reliable, decent car for "cheap"... I'm all ears!
anyhow, that was a rabbit trail.  From the very beginning of my stay here I entertained the idea of staying longer and as I said, decided it couldn't happen.  But not only did I learn that God is in control, I've learned I cannot limit Him.  His work in me here isn't going to be finished in three months.  I've committed until August next year.  At that point, resuming school is an option or wherever else God leads me.  Perhaps He will call me to remain here. 
I guess the greatest way God surprised me here is this... a while back I think I wrote about God working in my life in sets of three months.... strangely enough- this will be 11! :) Perhaps this starts a new phase! :) who knows!
Some specific prayer points....
**I have this incredible opportunity to babysit for a little boy with special needs several days a week along with working here at the Home.  It would put some stress on me but be an awesome experience and something I've wanted to do since I got home from Camp Harmon this summer.  I will be meeting with the mom next week sometime before I come home.  Pray that if it is God's will that I will really bond with the boy and everything will go smoothly.  I will have to be employed through the state so that could get frustrating but I believe if it is God's will, He will smooth the way! I am really excited about this opportunity and it will help financially a lot!
**Health... I got sick last night.  I'm not convinced it was 16 hr flu... had some food that was expired and started not feeling well not long after i ate it... had to leave work and all.  The 24 hr bug and Strep Throat are going around and we can't afford for us girls to all be getting sick! I would hate to bring this stuff home with me too...
**Safety as I travel back and forth around Christmas.  Jessica is coming to stay with my family for a couple days and I will be bringing her back to Lexington at some point.  I don't mind the drive but each time I get more impatient to get home or back....
**That I would continue to be surrendered to God's will.  I feel like I have a lot of very big decisions to make right now and, quite honestly, I'm tired of making them.  Strength for Today, dear Lord.

One week and I'm coming home! excited for that time I'm going to have... Lots of stuff to do already scheduled- should be a FULL Christmas season and I'm so excited to see everyone again!! it's been ages.... well I have to go... this computer session started out as an "update resume session" and turned into a "I have to write and get this stuff out session"... hope it wasn't too boring.  Mom has the camera at home so I have no exciting photos to post. 
Soli deo Gloria! Courtney

PS. it's for another time, but God worked the most awesome miracle and made it possible for me to go to NYC last weekend.  He worked incredibly while we were there- Praise Him!!  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to whoever made it possible for me to go....I don't even know how to express my gratitude.... thank you Lord!!

This place we call ~HOME~ These people we call *FAMILY*

I can hardly believe my time is so far spent. 40 days and I will be home. It seems that it was just yesterday I walked into a house full of girls I didn't know. Now, they're my sisters; we share our happiness and sad times and laugh together and cry together; when one hurts, we all hurt. They are AWESOME girls!  Apart from this being a terrible photo of me (it looks like I have cammo paint on my face...) and the fact that it doesn't have my dearest friend Jessica in it, here we are!  You never know what's going to happen when you have so many girls in one house... we had a "small" episode with mice recently.  Imagine 15 girls standing on a bed screaming because there's a mouse under it. Entertaining. Deafening. A little much. But with the average age being 19, what else can be done?  It really is quite an adjustment living with so many.  One of my greatest pet peeves is loose hair; especially long loose hair. It is so nasty. gag. yeah. gross. The hair I manage to lose is sickening enough; multiply times 14.  You never can get away from it.  It's in the washer and dryer, on the floor, in the shower, trash can, between your "clean" sheets and stuck to your clothes (because it was in the dryer), all over the counter, stuck in the rugs, everywhere. I'd say food, but... I can't handle the thought of it. Or perhaps try to match 15 girls' sleeping patterns; not to mention, we work 3 different shifts.  So, you learn to sleep with a fan on to block the noise out.  Many other adjustments- sharing ONE washer with all those girls; coordinating trips to town; learning to live together.  It's quite an experience. And I wouldn't trade it for anything! Sure, the hair absolutely grosses me out.  But I think I may come to miss it someday- about like a mother misses getting up every 3 hours in the night! Even now, some of the girls are leaving; it's sad.  But I'm thankful for my temporary family- consisting of 14 sisters!

(Not to mention our dear "mother" Dawn! <3)

a really cool therapy dog they brought in to play with the kids. they loved it!

 Gabe and Weldon got a ride in the car with Natalie! (:

George <3

 I introduced Jayden to earbuds... It was so funny; he just sat so still and listened! The sitting still part was the miracle...



My dear Emma Jane... she is such an absolute sweetie. I was working my second shift at the Blessing House when George came running in yelling something at me about Hope being on the phone.  Well I couldn't figure out what in the world was going on; I didn't think I'd done anything wrong and I hadn't asked any time off. So what would she want?? well, a baby was sick and so I was delegated to take her to the ER. 7 days later, we were quite attached to each other! apart from the fact that I got terribly stir crazy and about went crazy the last 48 hours (I didn't move more than 10 yds in the last 2 days), it was fun and relaxing. Plus, I got to watch 2 spinal taps, a million blood tests, and several IVs. Really makes me want to be a nurse again! She was such a trouper!

Then, on my way back home this morning from being in Ohio since she'd got out of the hospital, they called and said she was back in! So, I'm back in the hospital for another week with her. I think we will be out next Thursday. Nothing bad, just her PICC line got plugged and it's easier for us to just have her here than have to be doing IV stuff at the home all the time.  So, here we are again. Chilling in the room. having a grand ole' time... She's become like my own child; as I was walking out of the hospital the first time carrying her, people kept stopping me to "congratulate" me and ask her name.... it was so awkwardly funny! (:

:) and they told me she's too young to smile (:

she has the absolute cutest grin you will ever see. I couldn't catch it when she was grinning so huge but this is what she let me capture!  Such a beautiful baby! I'm so glad I get to be here with her!

that's about all my news for now... until next time...

Soli deo gloria! Courtney Renae

Comments...

So somehow I had the comment button messed up... perhaps that not everyone was able but only if you were a Blogspotter... I sure don't know. But it's all fixed now. I hope. Leave a comment to prove me right... (: please? no really, it's fine. But just wanted to give that shout out...

Closed Doors, Opened Windows

(attn: the zip code on that photo is wrong... it's actually 42539!!)

What a journey the last 6 months have been and are yet... I guess it hasn't been 6 yet, but by the time this adventure is said and done, that's what we have.
I've often made the comment that every 3 months a huge change seems to occur in my life. Seems God has added a little spice- my 3 month segments come in job/occupations/opportunities :) As He closes one door, something new comes around! It's really been a blessing! But isn't that God's department anyway? He loves to bless His children!

So, a grand hello Rosie-style from the Galilean Home! ("tell Rosie, 'say hi Rosie!'" :) If ya know what I mean...) I've already been here a month- today! came down September 20th, will be here till December 21st, at least, it's looking like. I have been working in the Angel House with the angels... well, babies! All of their mothers are in prison.
If you knew me growing up... I had 2 baby dolls; and I didn't play with either. John Deere tractors and my bike always took the cake. Not that I didn't like babies, but they just weren't "my" thing. So I wasn't sure how I'd like the Angel House. But after my summer with Easter Seals, I knew I'd LOVE the Blessing House (special needs {physical & mental}). Well, for a month now, I've been in the Angel House with not a single shift in the Blessing House. I know my day is coming to go down the hill but for now, I'm LOVING the babies... It kind of makes me sad to think about not seeing them every day! I sure missed them when I was home this weekend. So, all that love that didn't go to my dolls, it's all coming out now! (: (yes mothers, there's actually hope for those tom-boy daughters- I'm living proof! :D)



It's been such a blessing to be here! Sometimes I call it "God's greenhouse". It's really given me time to slow my life down and just FOCUS. Working only 8 hours a day, 4-6 days a week leaves plenty of open time to just sit and read or think or do whatever you wish! I've not had much time for reading in the last 4 years so I've been doing lots of that! I'm flying through the books so if you have any suggestions... :)
I turned 19 while I've been down here. What better way to celebrate than cook an actual meal, and then get to play with babies for 8 hours? Then when I got off my shift at 1000pm, the other VS girls met me outside the Mary and Martha House with... 19 COLD water balloons! :D One of the girls who's also gluten-free made me a gluten-free birthday cake... with chocolate-raspberry icing! mmm... Quite a unique, but memorable birthday! Not one soon forgotten!



Special moments around the Home:
*praying with the toddlers... it's so cute to listen to them!
*Listening to the toddlers sing "Jesus Loves Me"... they will be a witness for Jesus to their mothers!
*Hugs from Rosie (if you don't know Rosie, you must drop everything and come see me. (: now!)
*Being asked to be George's date
*Prayer meetings in the basement with the girls
*The 4 hour, 220 mile drive between Ohio and here... beautiful.
*Getting visitors over the quilt auction
*Alexa spending the night with me



Recipe for a good day:
*Not having 5 babies scream from 6:30-8:00 while we're trying to keep them up before they have to go to bed!
*Having a made bed. For some reason, with all the time I have, it's still getting neglected... (:
*Someone doing my dishes
*A MEAL. as in, actually cooking something... out of a can counts, but microwave doesn't! :)
*Phone calls from peoples
*Simply being Alive, Well, Saved-by-GRACE!

Now then. I'm really going to try to keep this thing updated from here on. I've been informed that people actually do read it (yes, I wondered ;)) I feel so honored that you would take the time to read it. They seem like pretty boring things to read to me, but I like to be able to write it all down, and if I'm going to write stuff down, might as well put it where someone else can read it, right?
Well, karissa is patiently waiting for a story... So I will read to her and then head out. I had midnight last night and it was so rough trying to sleep this morning so I'll go sleep a bit and try to find something to do this evening. I'll probably just sit and read. I think I'm getting lazy... :D Plus, I'm sure the Shultz's are ready to kick me out since I've been here so long... Take Care...



Soli Deo Gloria!
Courtney Renae

death and LiFe

"Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin. Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him:"
I read romans 6 during rest hour today and these verses really have stuck with me... consider them. perhaps they will bless you as well!
Consider:
Am I freed from my sin? or am I still under its bondage... check out vs 7... IF I am dead- I AM to be freed. if I am not freed, am I truly dead??

that's it (: have a good day!!!!

soli deo gloria!!
Courtney

Out of the Woods- soon.

Session 5- complete. believe it or not, (I don't) Camp is halfway over. It is absolutely mind-blowing for me. I feel like I've been a counselor forever, yet, my summer just started. I am going to be ready to be finished. I've had two difficult sessions in a row and my break between them I was sicker-than-a-dog.... add ten days of awful sleep and I'm about to drop. And of course I'm leaving at 6:30 in the morning for yfs camp to spend the day up there. awesome. (:
So I never got to report on sessions 3-5. all my photos from session three are on ash's computer and I've not had time yet to get them off of there, so I am going to wait on that one. It was a DD session and I had 6 guys with one other counselor. It was really easy and a TON of fun!! Probably the best session of the summer I'm guessing.
Session 4 I worked with another Courtney and we had 5 girls. Unfortunately, two of them ended up needing one-on-one care and we were stressed to the limit (well, a little beyond that). One of those campers ended up going home on Sunday (we weren't having any luck with helping her enjoy her time at camp) and that helped with the stress level and physical load, but it made me feel like a failure of a counselor!


Danielle and I in the pool... I think she's my most inspirational camper of the summer... I helped her stand in the pool for longer than she's ever stood before... doesn't seem like a big deal but she was so excited. and I felt like I'd helped her accomplish something really important to her... (If she could get strong enough to bear a little weight she could someday move out on her own, a dream!) she's on a few years younger than I, yet we identified so much. We spent a lot of time together just talking and she really impacted my life a lot.


One day we went hiking so this is all of us... It was a grand time! (and I finally learned to use the timer on mom's camera lol we all wanted in the photo...)


carrying campers across the San Lorenzo River... before it's much of a river! (:

Ben and I with another of my campers, maria. she was the only camper there over 25 yrs but she still was a lot of fun to be with! never too old to have fun right?


And this is Anya... I didn't get to spend the time with her that I wanted to because she left early, but she was the cutest lil thing and LOVED to do the hokey-pokey...


Fourth of July we had a grand celebration and it was alot of fun! Baseball...

Beautiful Jane (: She was so sweet and loved hugs... made me happy (:

JB. joseph benjamin. joeseph. DoubleB. he-nurse. All the campers love him and so... (: he got ice water dumped on his head... (: along with Justin, one of the assistant directors.

2nd batch of whip cream over camp... at least it was limited to the face this time! (;

Danielle and Olivia, two of my campers... making cookies one morning (:

Me with our other awesome nurse, Theresa... she's from KS City and a TON of fun (: our camp grandma, but she wouldn't let us call her that! she left after this session... we're missing her like crazy!!

I got this green skirt a year or so back... when I was packing to come I was like oh I'll just stick it in. I have no use for it, but maybe it'll do me some good or something... so I did. I haven't worn it once. But, we were getting ready for the dinner and dance at the end of session 4 and I had dressed Danielle all up and got "dressy" myself. Olivia kinda had a sad look in her eyes and was like, I didn't know we dressed up. I wish I would have brought something... Suddenly it dawned on me that I had that skirt and I was like hey you can wear this. It thrilled her!!! she was so so excited and thanked me over and over. I may not have had a purpose for it, but it seems perhaps God did...

with Olivia at dinner


so that was my session four... it was a lot of fun with the girls, but take exhausting, add some drama with other staff, a couple sleepless nights, a night with the other counselor puking... yeah I was glad to see it end. Only to end up sick Wednesday morning with grandma and aunt Cindy & kids at the beach. pretty much all of the staff members got it... so irritating! (: but at least I was with family (I hate being sick AND alone) and it was break, not when I was to be caring for campers... thank God for healing! got back, woke up Thursday morning feeling a bit better and jumped right into this session...
which details of it will be at a later date... I'm in Modesto AGAIN! (: headed up to camp tomorrow... I absolutely cannot wait to see people from home... it's good to see people from around here, but there's no place like home!! and if I can't get home, bring it to me! (: so yeah! my Modesto trips are grand times... I jump in the car with the lifeguard, Alison, and head to Millbrae to the BART. I take the BART to Pleasanton and get on a bus to Modesto and aunt Cindy meets me there!
car ride- 1.5 hrs. free
bart- 1.5 hrs. $13
bus- 1.25 hrs. $28
Worth- priceless....
it takes much longer than driving would, but it's so worth it!! well, I must be back up in 7 hours and I still have a dip in the pool to get... have a good week ya'll!!!
soli deo gloria! Courtney

Session 2- CHECK.

well. it's over. as is the weekend. it's so hard to believe that another session is over... I didn't get a cabin picture unfortunately this session, so you'll just meet my girls through different pictures (: Some people have been asking how my day "goes" so I'm going to try to explain that too!

This was the best picture I have of the girls. We had a lot of fun, and I miss them already!! It was very different from the last session... I had a "real" camp experience! (: (meaning, I went to activities instead of doing what my 1on1 wanted to do.) I got to sing for a lot of mail... thanks to those who sent it!!! (:
Carrie B- thanks for the picture!!!!! it's hanging up on my nightstand this week (:

me and Lindsay riding the horse

Cathy and Megan playing BINGO!

Game Show night

Road-Kill Rumble! (: relay...

Mike and Amy! (: cutest couple at camp- they've been dating for 10 years!!

with karen


"traffic-jam" in the ghetto (:

sunday morning we had Breeze Cafe- hot drinks, pastries, and open mike. people talked, read poems, and sang (: pretty cool!

Funniest Camper this session (: Rocky.... I think this picture sums it up- trouble :D jk.

me and rocky after the dance (: I was his date... well one of them (;
notice his hair... this is the only time all session he had gel in it (thank you ash for making sure he was all spiffed up (; )... the rest of camp rocky found that toothpaste and sunscreen work well to spike your hair... he's so cute and funny!


Karen, Rocky and I during Kangaroo Court (this was "spike-your-hair-with-sunscreen day"!)

Kangaroo Court... My fellow counselor Katie and I were charged with not brushing lindsay's teeth at night. then Heidi brought a complaint that I ripped her burrito at breakfast... (: it's a lot of fun. Campers make up charges against counselors and then we get brought to court. in which, we're ALWAYS guilty... as punishment, me and katie had to do jumpingjacks and hum the national anthem- simultaneously!


So. a normal day goes like this....
sometime between 7 and 8 you wake up and get everyone ready for the day...
9:00 breakfast.
10:00-12:00 morning rotation... would include sports and games, creative fun, or arts and crafts.
12:30 lunch
1:00-2:45 Rest hour
3:00-4:30 afternoon activities... usually the pool is open and arts and crafts or creative fun. there's always an alternative for the non-swimmers
5:30 Dinner
7:00-8:30 Evening Program... first night is a bonfire and the last night is a "dance". the other nights are whatever we decide to do.
10:00... approx. bedtime... depends... (:
11:00-12:00 counselor's bedtime (:
and you get up and do it all over again! it's an awesome time...
and now for my weekend (: just wanted to share a few pictures!
Abbey came to see me and brought Scott and Kyle! well... Kyle drove, so idk who brought who... but it was them 3. I've never been so happy to see people I know in all my life. This has definitely been the longest I've ever gone away from EVERYONE I know. so, that was awesome... started the afternoon off with Gayle's... delicious!!! then hit up Natural Bridge State Park...



Then there was a bit at the boardwalk and then we headed to pizza my heart... awesome! and I got a t-shirt :D slice of pizza + t-shirt = $5. deal!

Thanks for packing the travel iron for me mom (: it came in handy... having an ironed collar for today made me feel slightly normal... camp food, plastered-under-a-scarf-hair, wrinkly dresses, sleeping bags... it gets to you eventually. so something so simple was great (:

I did laundry yesterday but the dryer was way backed up and not working very well... so I decided I'd hang my sheets up to finish drying... but there is no where to hang sheets... so. I decided I could hang them on the ends of the beds that were propped up on the wall. problem- the legs were so nasty that I didn't want my sheets touching them. Solution:


Laugh if you wish, but it worked!!! (:

so... that was that. It was a great week and weekend... hard to tell abbey bye, but it was wonderful having them come!! I think I got way buff this week... pushing wheelchairs up the hills around here is rough! (: On an unimportant (to everyone else) side note- We found a scale finally... I gained back the 5 lbs I lost at AM time... yay! (; haha all the returning staff is talking about how they gained so much weight last year... (10+ lbs...) maybe I'll finally have some meat on my bones! haha we'll see. at least it should be muscle from pushing wheelchairs around all the time (: pretty thrilled... Next week is a dd (developmental disabilities) session with young adults. I'm really really excited for that! hope it goes well...
hope everything is going well at home... it's good to hear from everyone now and then!! (: have a blessed week!
Soli Deo Gloria!! Courtney "Blue Bell"